A qualitative analysis of on-campus forbidden intimacies among undergraduate students in Lahore, Pakistan

ABSTRACT Albeit the social disapproval and stigmatization, romance is an incontrovertible feature of youth culture in Pakistan. This study generates a multifaceted understanding about the intimate relationship development and dissolution, in particular the pre-dissolution conditions and post-dissolution adjustment among unmarried, non-cohabiting emerging adults. Qualitative methods were applied, comprising 129 in-depth interviews and three focus group discussions among undergraduate students at XYZ university located in Lahore city, Pakistan. Despite the public disapproval of intimacy out of wedlock and expression of love in public, the young adults reported finding ways to dealt with this situation and make intimate relationships. The nature of romantic affiliation is thereby diverging from that of the earlier generation. The attachment level to partner was primarily emotional and spiritual in the past, while it is physical and sexual for the new generation. Based on these findings, it is anticipated that the nature of intimate relationships might induce change in marriage and family system in broader society.


Background
Early university years play an important role in preparing young adults for their practical lives including intimate relationships.Coupling is in the fundamental nature of human beings.In conservative societies, the nature of romantic relationships is entirely different from that of liberal societies.Intimate relationship is the romantic attachment between two individuals, based on certain levels of intimacy that may be described as love, emotional, spiritual, physical and sexual attachment (Rauer et al., 2013;Reis, 2006).The attachments formed in the early adulthood determine the nature of romantic relationships an individual has in the lifespan (Dornbusch, 1989).
Healthy intimate relationship is important for shaping a constructive self-concept, happiness and life satisfaction of young adults (Lee & Chang, 2021).Studies have shown that adolescents develop sexual attraction and attitude in the age from ten to nineteen years (Billy et al., 1984;Montgomery, 2005;United Nations General Assembly, 1989).This is the stage of life where the attachment shifts from primary givers, who are parents and immediate family, to a romantic partner (Kim, 2008).When marriages are delayed in conservative CONTACT Florian Fischer florian.fischer1@charite.deInstitute of Public Health, Charité -Universitätsmedizin Berlin, Charitéplatz 1, 10117 Berlin, Germany.
Supplemental data for this article can be accessed online at https://doi.org/10.1080/10911359.2022.2133047.
societies, the exploration proceeds through hidden channels.Unlike, there are other socially acceptable means in modern and developed societies.However, this aspect is understudied in contexts similar to that of Pakistan.This might be because the aim it to emphasize more on the prevention of child marriage, because it has negative impact on maternal and child health (Chari et al., 2017;Marphatia et al., 2020).
There is consensus among relationship scientists on the fact that intimate relationships are necessary to health and wellbeing (Reis, 2006).Both child marriage and having sexual intercourse at an early age have socially undesirable and enduring consequences for women.Hence, this study provides valuable insights on adult intimacy at the Pakistani context.Tobore (2020) has recently developed a theoretical framework to explain the meaning of love including the romantic love, its growth and dissolution.In defining romantic love, scholars have asserted the invariable importance of attraction in the development of attachment (Fisher et al., 2002).
Synchronously, having a relationship is associated with a person's worth in the peer group and most desirable outcome of a relationship is financial sustenance (Impett & Peplau, 2002).Others have found that sexual behavior is linked with substance use such as alcohol consumption and drug addiction (Clark et al., 2018).Besides substance and financial abuse, dating violence is found to be an important determinant of risky sexual behavior (Shorey et al., 2015).The mental health consequences and social media usage are also studied in association with romantic relationship (Kim & Hong, 2021;Price et al., 2016;Seraj et al., 2021).However, other studies showed that in serious relationships, where involvement and commitment of an individual is high, the end of relationship may have negative consequences (Finkelstein, 2014).
It is important to study the nature of romantic relationships context specifically (Arnett, 2000).Context-specific studies have been conducted to study different aspects of intimate relationships among young adults.In Korea, scholars have found that the dissolution of a relationship is associated with discomfort and jealousy, which also determines the satisfaction of their romantic relationship (Lee & Chang, 2021;Lee, 2001).A similar study in Turkey confirmed that longer relationship and absence of abuse were associated with more relationship satisfaction (Yıldız et al., 2017).Psychometric studies from all parts of the world demonstrate that conflict, depression, relationship stress and level of attachment determine the nature of romantic relationships (Gevers et al., 2012;Towler & Stuhlmacher, 2013).
The plans for marriage in future are at the foundation of such romantic relationships.Research has demonstrated that happiness and trustworthiness are the key factors of the longevity and stability of a relationship (Lee & Chang, 2021).A study demonstrated that individuals in romantic relationships have better wellbeing and less mental health issues compared to their single counterpart (Braithwaite et al., 2010).There has also been an impact of romantic relationships on self-reported health among undergraduate students been observed (Loving & Slatcher, 2013).The level of attachment and intimacy determines the nature of the relationship, the time required for union dissolution and personal adjustment after breakup (Hazen & Shaver, 1987;Kim, 2008).With the passage of time, there is a shift from the traditional path of romantic relationship to marriage among unmarried students.The nature and quality of committed relationship determines the life satisfaction of an individual.There is consensus about the efficacy of healthy romantic relationship.Having a significant other for companionship and love in life is a human need.
Heartbreaks can lead to sleep troubles, loss of appetite, suicide (attempts) and upset routine life and overall health and wellbeing (Heshmati et al., 2017).Meier and Allen (2009) emphasized the theory development for intimacy in adolescence and youth while highlighting the contemporary relationship qualities.Davies and Windle (2000) have classified relationship patterns into four exclusive categories: no dating relationships, a single and casual dating relationship, multiple and casual relationships, as well as steady dating relationships.Research data is growing on the grief resulting from dissolution of relationships.Specifically speaking, the search for explanation, need of social support, stigmatization, guilt, shame, rejection, and self-destructive behavior were significantly associated with post-dissolution experience of grief (Navarro et al., 2020).
Dissolution of a romantic relationship is a highly researched area because of the consequences for the individual.The highest proportion of counseling services are sought after breakups (Price et al., 2016).The importance of the fact cannot be denied that early adult attachments determine the sexual attitude, attachment and commitment quality in later part of life (Fraley & Shaver, 2000).In the light of empirical literature, it would be accurate to define relationship satisfaction as the judgment of an individual about the positivity of romantic relationship, where relationship satisfaction is negatively correlated to relationship dissolution.

Forbidden love
The forbidden intimate relationships are kept and maintained in secrecy and publicly denied because of the fear of social disapproval.There are diverse interpersonal situations in which intimacy is forbidden such as among coworkers at the workplace (Cavico & Mujtaba, 2021), between professors and students (Dank & Fulda, 2018), and in doctor-patient relationships (Cohen et al., 2009).These are forbidden to avoid sexual harassment and sexual favoritism.In traditional societies, forbidden love is synonymous to the adultery.Extramarital affairs are fundamentally forbidden in the contemporary period (Sharma, 2009).The present study highlighted the university student heterosexual intimacy out of the wedlock, which insofar was excluded from the dominant discourse because of the closed society.

Theoretical framework
The Erikson's Psychosocial Theory of Development was consulted to develop the framework for the present study (Erikson, 1982).In the sixth stage of psychosocial development that begins from nineteen years of age, an individual's primary virtue is love and intimacy.The conflict at this stage of life in developing intimate relationships determines the quality of human development in later life.Those emerging adults who struggle at this stage experience isolation.Findings of the present study also confirm the basic assumptions of this theory in the emerging adulthood (Arnett, 2000).The theory of emerging adulthood is true for a culture that does not allow young people a prolonged period of independent role exploration (Arnett, 2000).

Study context
In Pakistan, sexuality is controlled and only legitimate in marriage (Khan, 2003).The globalized social forces have helped to delay the marriages to a certain extent, but the public demonstration of love even by married couples is not allowed.Consequently, youths need to find ways to fulfill their emotional and sexual needs through illegal intimaciescommonly through social media (Sotoudeh et al., 2017).Formal as well as informal social control mechanisms limit the interaction of unmarried individuals to reinforce the match making institution for marriages.Romantic relationships among unmarried young individuals are socially disapproved in Pakistani culture due to religious intimidation.
There is no empirical evidence from Pakistan on the nature of romantic relationships and increasing trend of frequent union dissolution and indulgence in new relationships (Firmin, 2013).The nature of romantic relationships is mainly undisclosed and the partners are non-cohabiting.The physical and sexual intimacy is not exposed as the expression of love in public domains has strict limits.The crucial part of entertainment through television dramas is based on romantic relationships and marriage, which is shaping the perspectives in general.It also demonstrates a level of intimacy which might not threaten the social values.There is no public demonstration of sexual intimacy in love and romance among unmarried couples in television shows.Stigmatization is still feared at familial level and is less of a concern for youth.Carlson and Tanner (2006) explored the parental control on the sexual behavior of young adults and recommended the need to empower parents to speak to their teenage children about sex-related information.This has been adopted by the parents in developed countries.However, Pakistani parents' realization of children having sexual instinct and accepting that their children have to go through sexual development until they enter early adulthood, is predominantly non-prevalent.Parental acceptance of sexuality is essential for healthy life span development of individuals and prevents emotional breakdown in cases of undesirable breakup (Carlson & Tanner, 2006;Verhallen et al., 2019).Therefore, familial and social controls significantly shape the fundamental sexual behavior in Pakistani society, which is further discussed in this paper later on.Since intimacy among unmarried couples is considered as a forbidden relationship in Pakistan, no attention has been given by the scholars to research it.
Thus, this study has been conducted to address the absence of empirical evidence from the social conditions in Pakistan.The purpose of this research is to explore the nature of forbidden intimate relationships, development and dissolution, in particular the predissolution conditions and post-dissolution adjustment among unmarried and noncohabiting couples on the campus.

Methods
An embedded triangulation design was adopted to conduct this study because there was absence of contextual studies in the selected research setting.In this regard, qualitative methods were applied that comprised on 129 in-depth interviews (IDIs) and three focus group discussions (FGDs) among undergraduate students in a private sector university in Lahore city, Pakistan.The interview guide was deductively extracted based on information from a previous literature review.The interview guides were adapted for IDIs (see Annex 1) and FGDs (see Annex 2).
A call for participation in the IDIs and FGDs was pasted on the notice boards in various departments of the selected university.The interested participants contacted the researcher.The department's board room was the venue for these sessions.Participants were served with tea and refreshment.The sessions were video recorded with informed and written consent of the participants.The recording equipment and facility was arranged by the university administration.The entire data collection took place from March to July 2021 physically on campus following the standardized operating procedures during the COVID-19 pandemic SOPs.The average time of the interview was 45-60 minutes in one consecutive sitting.The FGDs were one and half hour long because the participants had a lot of information to share.Ten participants participated in each FDG comprising on 5 males and females each.In the in-depth interviews, 73 male and 56 female students participated.
The interviews and FGDs were transcribed.Data analysis was manually performed through axial coding procedures for identifying common themes.The coding and categorization are demonstrated in Table 1 and Figure 1.Triangulation was ensured in methods applied, data translation and interpretation, and member checking.However, the data analysis was performed by the primary author of this study.Grounded theory and thematic content analysis was used to analyze the data (Chapman et al., 2015).Member check of the findings was performed by six participants of IDIs and FDGs.They did not suggest any modifications and agreed with the findings.

Nature of intimate relationships among emerging adults
There has been a progressive shift in the attitudes relating to intimate relationships.Most importantly, the status of girls seems to have improved as earlier being in a relationship could negatively affect the self-concept as well as social assessment of a girl's morality and character.New generation girls do not have such attitudes so they believe in dating until they find the right partner.Lifetime commitments are old-fashioned; stable and long-term relationships are becoming less popular which might affect the marriage and family institution.Not having a relationship affects the self-concept of young people.A respondent expressed her thoughts in these words: Not having someone who likes or loves you, make you lessor in your friend circle.Girls dress up to look most attractive when they come to university.It is not about your face features or complexion today.You just need to carry yourself well and look stylish.
Moreover, the relationships that took several years to grow two decades ago, now end up in few months due to excessive communication.A shift from traditional (conservative) to modern (progressive) qualities has been observed about the nature of forbidden intimate relationships.Love is about attractiveness to the majority of participants in this study.Couples are neither married nor cohabiting but manage to keep relationships on different attachment levels from likeness to sex.There is general hush about romance and love among unmarried couples, but youths are managing these forbidden relationships in universities and through social media.A 19-year-old girl said: No one wants to wait for the fairytales to happen and waste life waiting for a prince.We create our own stories.Why to have one, when you can have many.
This statement indicates major changes in the nature of intimacies.Not having any intimate relationship affects the self-worth and confidence of individuals.Girls feel unattractive if Peer pressure to have one.

Feeling worthless
Not having relationship and Self-worth

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Family constantly worries about what people think.
• Parents don't allow things that they themselves did not do.
• Worldliness [In Urdu: Sincerity in a relationship is assessed by introducing partner in the family.
• Girls and boys from traditional families have dual standards such as having negative attitude toward dating and relationships, but keep their own relations undisclosed.

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Leave the girl saying parents will not accept us.

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Having relationship is a taboo in this society.

Family restrictions and control
• Nobody is looking for ideal type of love

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Belief that disclosure will negatively affect the relationship.Crushing is normal.Frequent partner change is acceptable.Having potential options on standby helps recovering from breakups.There is no concern for hiding identity among girls and boys alike.The preference are temporary relationships.Youths do what they want to do and fear of society and family is reducing in this regard.Elite and educated upper middle-class parents support their young sons or daughters in having their romantic relations but this segment is low as compared to the total population in Pakistan, which are conservative in their social and religious approach.Surprisingly, the young adults from conservative families have intimate relationships to fulfil their mental, physical and sexual needs but hide these affairs.

Factors of breakups
There is acceptability of the idea that everyone is meeting several people at the same time.Even couples who have announced their relationship in their peer group on campus, might breakup for a better option.The use of social media has increased the number of options, which reduces the intensity of attachment, whether it be physical or sexual, and mutual dependence.Now the struggle is to win the love and attention of the most eligible person(s).They breakup because they already have this prior understanding that whom you are dating is not necessarily the one you are going to marry.They have intentions of passing a good time and fulfilling needs of each other.In slang they call it: "time pass."A boy said about the breakup point: It becomes difficult to keep a relationship when your girl starts controlling and interfering in your life.I think boys breakup because they need their personal space and freedom back.Long time in a relationship with same person kills the pleasure and charm, so people find reasons to leave.
Another 20-year-old boy said: Girls start financially abusing and stay with a guy until he pays her bills and takes her shopping.They can ditch you anytime, especially when they find richer guy, they will breakup.Nobody will stay with you unless you have something to offer.But again, you cannot control any person today.
There are strategies of getting rid of a person one does not like anymore such as getting into arguments and conflicting more often.Paying attention to other girls is mentioned as a major reason of breakup reported by the respondents.Some toxic and violent relationships were reported by the respondents where boyfriend beat their girl on the campus to make disciplinary issues reported to the disciplinary committee of the concerned university.
There have been issues of punishments by the university to those students who express their love in public, without caring for the general social values.Even the married couples are not allowed to hug and hold hands in public.

Post-dissolution grief
In cases of strong attachment and loyalty to the intimate partner, breakups are linked with grief and low self-concept.Acceptance of breakup is high when the intensity of attachment is weaker.Financial investment and length of a relationship also negatively affects how individuals move on.In contrast, if the attachment faded away, moving on and making new relationships is easier.Most of the participants reported to have never had a strong relationship that could make them feel grief.

Breakup frequency and new relationships
The frequency of breakups is higher among early adults today as compared to the previous generation counterpart.While in a relationship, individuals have options for future.Knowing that there any many options, one does not need to waste time in crying over their broken relationship and they move on easily in the majority of cases.

Transactional dating and risky behaviors
Receiving of gifts and financial benefits is becoming a common culture.The ones who do not have enough resources cannot afford intimate relationships.The attraction is felt only for rich young adults.This is replacing the concept of unconditional pure love, which was upheld by earlier generations (Dunkle et al., 2004).Financial and physical violence, blackmailing with the use of private photographs and substance abuse are experienced after transactional dating.A female respondent (aged 24 years) said: Girls share rooms with other girls in the hostels and manage to keep condemns with them but if reported to the administration, are straight away expelled.Also, it is a practice of going out and having fun with their boyfriends.Girl's sport on who has got richer and who has a more handsome boy.Smoking and drugging is learned in this circle.And of course, nobody wants to be excluded from their circle of friends.

Social media usage
Social media access has provided an enabling environment in which young adults have access to many individuals and the number of choices is higher than ever.Earlier generations had less resources to write and post letters to their loved ones.Now, the frequent lowcost internet access has majorly contributed to the variability of forbidden intimate relationships.A respondent said: Earlier generations used to write letters and had to manage their budget for important calls.They could not afford to make long phone calls.Also, they had limited finances to write and post letters.So, they had one person with whom they kept a romantic relationship.Now internet has not just given more options but it is almost free.We don't have to pay for chatting or texting.Writing, posting and receiving letters took time so relationship proceeded steadily.Now social media accessibility has changed everything . . .

Concurrent intimate relationships
The nature of relationship concurrency in Pakistani society is not necessarily the sexual partnership.Rather the young adults have likeness toward multiple individuals.Lying is common in such relationships and most of them are just talking and spending good time with each other.Some of the participants reported that they already know that their partners are having multiple affairs at the same time.It is about winning the heart and attention for a specific time.Emerging adults consider it as normal.In case of Pakistan, the sexual partnerships are not openly discussed, which indicates a major shift in the young adult behavior.The public expression of love and romance is not allowed even in case of married couples.The romance and sex are a hidden affair and publicly people do not talk about these topics.It is not considered decent in the society in Pakistan.Modern society requires delayed marriages which conflicts with the human need for sexual activities.Young adults manage to make intimate relationships despite social control and stigmatization.Kids are not allowed to have any hint about sexual activities in this society.Therefore generally, even in the marriage, the pleasure of sexual intercourse is considered as a Satan's activity.Sexual activity is mainly for the procreation of race.On the contrary, in modern societies, the intimacy is an individual's personal choice and the society at the large, has consensus on the fact that sexual intercourse is one of the basic human instincts and a need.

Trustworthiness and loyalty
The qualities of trustworthiness and loyalty were held high by the previous generations.The new generation in the private sector universities of Lahore does not aspire to find these qualities in their partners as they think these are moral values which cannot be found in humans today.A female respondent (22 years old) said: When you know that no one is loyal, you don't want the options to be less.So, no real attachment and drug-like dependence is ever felt and individuals keep exploring and enjoying their days.

Discussion
The process of learning intimacy in the early adulthood is by passing various social standards of the adulthood in a society set by the prior generations (Settersten et al., 2005).This study has highlighted that young adults are breaking local norms and indulge into dating and romantic affairs but most of the times have romantic (non-sexual) relationships, and if sexual, relationships are kept undisclosed.This nature of intimate relationships is unique because it does not match with earlier empirical studies in different contexts (Davies & Windle, 2000).However, this study informs the international research community about the transitions in Pakistani youth culture, which will bring significant change in the family and marriage institutions.The youth is acquiring qualities that are similar to the developed contexts as studies by several others (Braithwaite et al., 2010;Yıldız et al., 2017).The findings of Clark et al. (2018) are aligned well with the findings of present study with regard to the drug abuse and violence.Now the youth make and break intimate relationships frequently.Sternberg (1986) presented his triangular love theory with the three essential components intimacy, passion, and commitment.Conversely in Pakistan, the third component-which is commitment-is observed to be diminishing.Remarkable changes in the meaning of love have been observed.What is desired from the partner in general is emotional support, love, companionship, protection and sexual fulfillment (Le & Agnew, 2003).Nowadays, young adults prefer short-term attachments instead of long-term relationships.Acceptability for the concurrent relationship has increased in contrast to the previous generation preferring love of one person at a time and for lifetime.
Heterogeneity of experiences about forbidden intimacies, their patterns and dissolution were observed among the study participants.There are higher chances to experience the intimate partner violence, black mailing and financial abuse (Dunkle et al., 2004).Assumptions of social exchange theory also seem to be true for the youth culture and the concept of selfless love is diminishing (Fraley & Shaver, 2000).Since the study was conducted in the time of the COVID-19 outbreak, the virtual intimacies through social media applications increased.There was not much influence in the social distancing practices when the lockdown was over.This is contradictory to the circumstances in the developed countries as portrayed by Yarger et al. (2021).Most of the participants reported to have never had a strong relationship that could make them feel grief (Finkelstein, 2014).
The qualitative analysis demonstrated the nature of intimate relationships, frequency of breakups and switching partner, pre-dissolution and dissolution circumstances, and adjustment after breakup.Reduced trust on partner and potential partners, worthlessness, lust, strategies of getting rid of a person, conflict, and violence were linked with the dissolution of a relationship (Fisher et al., 2002;Mumford et al., 2019).Blackmail and substance use were associated with non-acceptance of breakup, whereas the acceptance of dissolution was related to the financial investment among the partners.The transactional relationships are developed for continuous economic support from the partner, which has been studied extensively by earlier researchers in different contexts (Impett & Peplau, 2002).The mental health was affected by the inability to move on, or being in unhappy relationship and sense of self-worthlessness.The three principal components include relationship satisfaction, trust and love leads to marriage among committed couples.The topic is important for academia and policy makers because the early romantic relationships have significant influence on the mental health and life satisfaction (Kim & Hong, 2021;Markey et al., 2007).

Limitations
Cultural barriers to the expression of personal relationships might have affected the information provided by the study participants.To grasp a comprehensive view of the situation, two data collection methods were applied.The personal experiences were shared by the participants in in-depth interviews and a general and unanimous views were acquired in focused group discussions.The findings of both were merged for triangulation.This research provides new insights into the changing youth culture and contextual factors in a conservative society with controlled sexuality.Prospective researchers may investigate the association of diminishing relationship satisfaction and frequent breakups before marriage, with the lack of trust in marriage and rising divorce rate in Pakistan.

Conclusion
This study is among the first studies that explored the nature of intimate relationships, the development and dissolution in the context of Pakistan.Sexual attitude and behavior are a least discussed phenomenon in Pakistan.Familial and social acceptability of sexuality as part of humanity may help young adults to express their likeness and feelings more openly.Regulating the flawed aspects of intimate relationships is only possible if the expression of love in public and domestic sphere is allowed.Early adulthood plays an important role in identity formation.Hence, any lag affects the personal and social lives of individuals.Findings implied that frequency of breakups in forbidden relationships has increased which may have influence on the marriage and divorce rate in future.Also, maintaining a decent relationship relies on an individual's moral values such as trustworthiness, contentment and self-worth (Afifi et al., 2008).There is high need for counseling services for university students to help in cases of breakup induced depression and abuse of various kinds (Burke et al., 2001;Lo et al., 2019).

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Social disapproval of expression of love in public•Unrealistic expectations from young adults on sexual behavior•Romance and love are considered bad out of marriage.•Girl repute is affected to publicly have relationships with boy(s) Knowing involvement of daughter in dating and relationships, parents put their girls off the university.

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Couples are neither married nor cohabiting but manage to keep relationships on different attachment levels from likeness to sex• Hush about this topic, but it happens everywhere in the universities•Attraction mostly, is misperceived as love now•Attraction took the place of love•True love doesn't exist•No one wants to wait for fairytales, they create one.•Winning the love and attention•Whom you are dating is one you are not going to marry•In slang they call it: 'time pass'

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Girls think they are empowered to know what's good or bad for them • Girls make their choices independently • Girl's position in a relationship is improving • Girls now take responsibility and charge of their life decisions • Meet guys until unsure to continue or Rich boys get most popular girls on-campus and Girls look for rich boyfriend Financial status nobody gives attention to them.They like to be praised by the opposite sex.Not being in a relationship means inferiority to the respondents, when peers pressurize to have a relationship.A 23-year-old said:

Figure 1 .
Figure 1.Romantic relationships: union development and dissolution among unmarried, non-cohabiting university students in Pakistan.

Table 1 .
Axial codes and categories about the on-campus forbidden intimate relationships among emerging adults in Lahore.
•Not in relationship, means inferiority complex •